I'm getting more and more scared each day...
Even he's friend didn't response.
I really don't know what should I do.
I'm really scared...

The last time when I give up my feelings for him was really easy.
But now, it's really hard because I'm really confused.
What's wrong with me nowadays?
Why it is hard to forget about you?
Where is the love you gave me?
When will you appear in front of my eyes?
How should I forget about you?

I'm really scared that you'll leave me again...
I really have enough of this.
Every year, this thing happens...
I don't want this to happen again...
I really don't know what should I do now...

Well, today was the recognition day.
There were some happy and sad part about today.
The happy part was I get certificate, get to see my excel results and monopoly.
The sad part was about my dear. :'(

After the ceremony ended, I went back to my class and then Vincent told me about my dear.
Then I have no mood for everything.



Why you should be like this????????
You never understand the sadness in my heart.
Maybe I should turn to the dark side?
I really don't know what to do right now.
Should I wait or not?
You want me to love you but with your attitude like this, I guess I have to stop loving you.
Until you can accept me.
I never thought I would fall in love like this.
Now, all I need is to be patient.

I don't have the feeling to play my just-bought-Monopoly.
I really have no mood.
I'm now emo again...

I have enough of this, this question keep on repeating in my mind;

"Have you change your heart?"

I really do want to ask this question to you.
But I don't know why I tend to back out my words...
Seems like you don't care about me at all.
It's your fault if I change my heart just because you don't care me at all.
I've been waiting patiently day by day but never have good things come.
Still the same...

You never know how much I love you.
You never think that I actually wants you to care about me.
You never think the sadness that I'm having inside my heart because of you.
You never feel the way I treat you.
You never think about my happiness.

That is what I feel all these days.
It's impossible that I have changed my heart.
It's really IMPOSSIBLE.
I've tried many times to forget about you, but I always fail to do so.

Can you tell me what you're thinking now?
Can you tell me how much you love me?
Can you tell me how much you care about me?

I wish that you wouldn't mind about that.
But still, I'm waiting for your appearance.

First of all, I would like to thank God for EVERYTHING.
But I'm still waiting for my BM paper 2...
Second, my beloved dad who always support me in anything I do, spend most of his money to buy what I always want and the love he gave me.
Third, my beloved (insert name). He gave me the confidence in my studies. I love you!!!

I only have 6 A's for 6 subjects.
The other 4 subjects... HAIH. No hope getting A.
But still, I thank God for what I got.
And I hope I get enough grades for me to go 'A' class next year.

Everyone must be thinking that I want to go to the first class next year...
Actually, I don't even want to.
But since my dad and (insert name) wants me to go 'A' class, so...
I study hard for them to show that I actually love them.
I don't want to let them down or upset just because of my results.

Anyways, next year.... 2010...
Have to study more than this time...




I'm still waiting for your appearance, dear.

I know it's hard for me to resist the situation that I'm having now...
I know...

I keep thinking all these days...
I have made my decision.

I will try to look forward each day with hope.
I hope that it'll work.

Because I love him so much.

I know there's something on his mind.
But why I never feel it?
I want you to feel what I feel.
Like you do.
You want me to feel what you feel.
Why there's so many hardships for two of us to be together?
Why???

Now, I realize that I should talk first.
I like you.
Well, I guess it's not just like, but LOVE.
The most important thing is,I love you.
I really love you.
I've tried really really hard to forget all about you but seriously, I really can't.
I'm scared of losing you...

I hope one day you'll be back to my side.

I'll just pray to God.

Well, all this days, I kept thinking...
What was he doing all the time....
I didn't hear any news from him...
Now what I should do?

I feel like committing suicide...
I feel like my heart broken to pieces....
I feel like I'm no use to live in this sorrowful life....
I feel that it's no use for me to study so much....
Well, maybe I don't live any longer, so that's why I want to be with you.

When you told me that you love me, I realized that I actually have the same feelings as you too.
You know everything about me.
You really know me well better than I know myself.
Why should you be like this?
I never told you that I love you because I'm very scared you'll leave me again just like in the past years when you told me that you love me.
Have you change your heart?
Your phone is damaged again?
You had change your number?
I really miss your broken English messages...
I really miss the jokes that you gave me...
I really miss all the fun times that we had been through in the past years...
Therefore, this is the first time that I miss you.
I know, if you read this, you'll surely leave me...
I know....

All I ever wanted from you is; Please don't leave me. Because I will be very scared of any day without you.

You said; "What you feel is what I feel."
"I just want you to feel what I feel."
Don't you feel what I feel towards you?
Don't you're waiting for me to confess my love for you?
You want me to love you right?
But... why you didn't text me?
When I see your old messages, I'll cry.
Cry, cry and cry...
Because I really miss those times!!!

I've tried to forget about you but I really don't know why I can't.
Should I wait for you?
Please answer me.

I've tried to comfort myself but I just can't!...
I keep thinking, how should I face tomorrow's obstacles.
I really really wonder how tomorrow's day will be...
This is the time when I don't want to let my dad down.
If I really really do let him down, I will blame myself for keep doing non-academic things.
People said, "Have faith in yourself"
I said this quote to Reginia and I keep asking myself, "Do I have faith in myself?"
My heart can't even answer it.
Now, I'm starting to be scared.
What should I do if I really fail?
What should I tell my dad?
What should I tell "him"?

Tomorrow....
Tomorrow is the day....
I wish time can turn back....
I wish time can stop at the moment when I'm happy....
I wish that someone can accompany me to take my results....
I wish that I can make my dad and "him" happy and not upset....
I really really wish to....
I hope God, my dad and "him" will always be there whenever I need to.
I really really hoping and wishing for all that stated above....
I'll pray to God always....

My main point is, I don't want to make my dad and "him" upset....
Because I love them so much.
No words can describe how big my love for them is....